Recovering the Past

For a couple of years now, I've decided I wanted to convert as much of my childhood photos into digital images. The hard copy of the photos between me and my 5 siblings are slowing disappearing. I've had my eye on negative scanners. I never bought one, unsure of how much pixels they could really provided to make the process worth it.

This past Sunday, I've become the receipent of a negative scanner. My grandma could never make it work. I understand why. The original software was not compatible with Windows XP, said it would destabilize the system. It took a little work but I found the right software and began to play.

I have 3 very old slides. I'm fairly positive the pictures were taken by my Grandpa, sometime in 1983 or 1984. The quality is somewhat poor. The slides have not survived the years gracefully and were scratched. But now, with this recent gift from my Grandma, I'm recovering and storing the images in a more durable format.

My sister and I were cute, weren't we?

Darker Matters

Unfortunately, in the last year, I have attended more funerals than previous years. This last week, I attended the funeral for my next door neighbor and today I received news about another funeral. With these experiences, I've been thinking about my family if I died and what would be best for them. Yes, morbid or dark. But dark matters stick with you, give you nightmares if you let them. Or make you sob at a movie because it was based on a Nicholas Sparks' novel-they play on emotional chords and always include death.

My husband hates viewings. We always go to support the family but he's very uncomfortable viewing the body. This last time we took our children with us. When my children were concerned, I explained the reason he looked so different is because his spirit is no longer in the body.

So, my first suggestion is to forgo the viewing.

Now I know the services are for those left behind. So if my husband doesn't want to stand around my body for hours--Don't. Save a little money from not paying the funeral home to move around the casket. If it gives him comfort and let's other people say "goodbye," then by all means have a viewing. I have never received comfort from a viewing but I've also never been on the receiving end. I can see a possible benefit to receiving support and love of those who knew your loved one. Heck, there may be a psychological reason or benefit. I might change my mind if those roles are reversed. Who knows? Heaven forbid I have the experience of standing next to the casket any time soon but right now I'd prefer not to. The only experience I have with death of a closer loved one I was 7. I was scared and viewing the body didn't leave me with a goodbye but with the deepest impression that IT WAS NOT HIM. I took away a feeling of hysteria and deep sadness. Of course, the circumstances were more tragic than old age and I'm remembering it from they myopic lens of a scared 7 year old girl seeing adults crumble under the circumstances.

The funeral must be short; if there's one at all. When I mean short, I mean 30 minutes. I know the purpose of the funeral in our LDS faith and from recent experience I can see what family members want most--to share the good times and memories. So, have a graveside service and then have a meal and open mic. Have an informal gathering where people can share and connect with each other. When the wife of the mission president my husband served with in Germany passed away, they invited anyone who wanted to come to the house afterwards to share and bring a limerick in memory of her. She loved them. If a formal funeral in the chapel is desired, there should be only 2 speakers: The bishop talking about the eternal nature of the family and one family member sharing the most important things the loved one taught them. Then have a short graveside service and get to what is needed most: time to talk with one another, time to share with one another, and time to remember.

So for all it's worth (and that's not much coming from a 30 something woman with blessedly little experience on the subject), leave the traditional funeral. If you need that, we'll all be there to support you even if the funeral lasts hours. Because when we're there, we love you and it's about what you need. But, if I'm gone, and my family doesn't want all that, enjoy sharing with each other good things and leave the formalities behind.

Happy New Year

My 1st grader brought home a wonderful paper that made me smile. Even at his age, he's learning about New Year's Resolutions. So what matters to a 7 year old?

1. I want to be more creative.

Don't we all? I want to create and be understood. I want to see things I only imagine now. I want other people to see them as well. I want to write each day. I want to make things to personalize my home and make it comfortable. I want to create ways to remember my children's accomplishments and be able to look through them and say, "Remember when . . ."

This resolution coming from the middle child says a lot to me as his mother. His older sister likes to draw and is always "creating" drawings, art, boxes, jewelry, etc. He's a brilliant boy with things that come easy to him but the one defining thing we always praise his sister for he wants to be as well. He plunged into reading, wanting more. I had to drag is his sister initially because she was afraid to fail. He has a mind like a trap. He was one of twelve kids to compete in the school level spelling bee for 1st through 3rd grade and then made it through 3 rounds where he competed against 3rd graders. He tackles math and school like everything else, No Fear.

But, in this admission, he shows that we all want to be the best at everything; even if that something is not what interests us the most. And most importantly, that my children crave praise and I should never miss an opportunity. In turn, remind my other children that we celebrate other's achievements, not just our own.

2. I want to be strong.

There are so many nuances to this phrase for me as adult and it means only physical strength to my 7 year old. I want to be strong, physically, spiritually, emotionally. I have days where it's struggle to not be overwhelmed on what is asked, demanded and needed for each day. I want to be stronger. I want to know the right answer when my kids have questions about faith and be the example by living my convictions. And who doesn't want to have muscle tone in the arms and the ability to keep going when others have fallen behind.

My son is strong for his age. Since he was 3, and closing the distance in height between him and his sister, we have a special question that we asked a lot.

"What is the biggest and strongest?"

Answer--The softest and nicest.

He will continue to be strong and I know he will increase it with age and with what he chooses to do. I am proud and will continue to be proud. I hope he knows that what we value with strength is how he chooses to use it. So, I'll keep asking the same the question he's heard since he was 3.

3. I want to be fast.

I really don't want to be fast. I need to be fast. Life is busy. There's a lot to do. But I do agree with him on the intent of this resolution. I want to RUN fast. My family has always modeled healthier living. I participated in my 1st walk on Thanksgiving and there is a 10k I'm preparing for in April. I do want to be fast and I want the benefit from being fast in this arena--a slimmer me.

Teddy just wants to compete. He keeps asking where are the kids races. My husband's looking for them when we register for runs or walks. Start young and stay healthy. His school has an Annual Fun Run. There's the 1 mile option and 2 mile option. He wants to be fast for next year.

Normally, I sort through pages and pages brought home from school and ask, "Do you really want to keep this?" with that tone. The tone that implies it better be really important with drawers full of paper already. I saw this one and put it away. This is worth keeping, to remember what is important to my son in 2011.

Geek Flag Flying Proudly

I follow this wonderfully witty blog written by my sister-in-law. I've never regretted the sometimes stolen moments of the day that I spend reading it. It's that good. She put a question out there to answer: Who is your dreamland man?

Well, with slight trepidation, I will answer. It will show exactly how geeky I am that I dream not of the hottest movie stars but of my favorite characters--no matter who the actor is. Of course, it drastically changes from year to year. My subconscious likes stories and it likes to star me next to my favorite book or TV show character. In the past--from as early as Junior High for some of these and in no particular order--I've dreamed of Superman, Batman, Fox Mulder, Max from Roswell, Edward Cullen from Twilight Series, Dref Zenoson from Illusion by Jana Volksky, Jamie from Outlander series, Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables, and Mr. Darcy. For literary characters, any book that I own and pick up again can make a starring role comeback when the mood hits me.

So, without further ado, this is the man who's recently been walking through my dreams and stealing kisses as we solve crimes (although that never happens on show--yet):

Yes, I like Castle. I like the dialogue. It makes me laugh. I started watching it because of Nathan Fillion. This is my favorite character of his:

Mal from the TV series Firefly and movie Serenity. He's a compilation of my favorite characteristics: wild west cowboy, space captain, funny, caring, no one can stop me from doing my own thing. I only found the series after it was canceled and Serenity came out in theaters. I found the series on DVD and loved it. It's a mixture of wild west and science fiction with large doses of what if alternative histories. Yes, I'm that girl. I love the characters.

So, tonight, if the dreamland dust is sprinkled just right, I'll be solving crimes or running from the law with him.

Yes, I am a geek and proud of it.

Christmas Measures

Another way to mark the passing of the year and measure growth is our family tradition of Christmas PJ's. I "make" the PJ's. Before working, I would actually sew the pajama pants, buy the shirt and decorate it. For some reason, my sewing skills have never improved to finishing shirt collars and sleeves. Pants I can handle. However time constraints with being employed means I've bought them recently. I do something unique with the shirts each year: initials, names, nicknames, funny titles. This year I went with a superhero/nickname theme. I have Mr. T, Super Why and M&M pictured above. My husband has the Batman Logo changed to be his initial M.

The major change each year is the sizes needed for the 3 sleepers. My oldest two, only 14 months apart, are easy to shop for and match. While you might think boy/girl matching would be hard, you just go the boys section and pick neutral colors. I actually had the biggest issue finding matching pajama pants and shirt for my littlest one. Finding matching items in size 4 and also in size 7/8 was a big deal. I searched all clothing stores near me and ended up buying my littlest one the same PJ pants as his older siblings and my mom helped me adjust the fit.

So, what exact changes did I notice this year?

This is the first year there was no T for toddler on any label of clothing.

My daughter shot up in height in December. So the pants I bought a little big, hoping they'd last the year, are now barely reaching her feet. If she keeps up this pace, her PJ's each year won't last until her birthday in June. It has now occurred to me that my daughter may pass me in height in the not so distant future. I may end up the shortest one in my family.

Nothing beats the feeling of wearing the same soft, cozy jammies as we burrow under blankets spread out over the whole family room and have movie theater at home.

While opening jammies on Christmas Eve has stayed the same, the presents opened Christmas morning are less and less toys as my children grow and want electronics and books and need socks and clothes.

This is only the second year my children have woken us up for Christmas present orgy. This year, that call came it's earliest ever from littlest one being prompted by older two to yell, "It's Christmas Mom and Dad!" at 2:30 in the morning.

So, as I look forward to the coming year and all the amazing things my kids will do, I can't help but think of this:

And this:

And this:

And these:

And this:

BLINK.