Oh, what do you do . . .

My baby went to first grade last August.

It was a dream come true.  I was kid-free for 7 hours a day.  I planned and finished projects I had dreamed of doing for years.  I dove into to family history work and indexing.  I started playing the piano more and organizing my day.

It was nightmare. I'd jump from errand to project, filling my days but there was no sound in the house, no child calling me to come. I hit rock bottom after the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. I can't even comprehend what the parents are going through still but my own personal fears had me hugging my 1st grader tighter each night and thanking God that he was in my life each day.

My middle son was unhappy. My husband and I couldn't ever pinpoint if it was just school being boring or a situation with friends or both.  He took it out on his family.

After 10 years, thinking we had it figured out, my husband and I gratefully and eagerly took a parenting class offered by our pediatrician's office.  Our home life drastically improved.

I stare at each day, my mind whirling with all the possible things to accomplish and do, and wish that any of my 3 children could be with me. It's only for a moment.  I wouldn't rob them of the opportunity to grow and experience but my heart aches just a little for more time and more voices clamoring around me. 

The mad rush of after school with homework, practice, friends, dinner and all its noise tests my new parenting skills but brings a smile to my face as I fall into bed.

Summer is coming. A whole lot less will get done and my new parenting skills will be put to the ultimate test as I attempt to teach my children to navigate the day without tearing each other down.  After growing up with 4 brothers, I know in my heart the only true teacher of curbing sibling rivalry is age and maturity. But I won't give up requiring nicer words and tones. I'll remind them that it won't be long and they could be calling their sibling long distance and seeing them once a year.

And now I ask myself, what am I going to do today?

Flaming Gorge, revisited

I loved camping as a kid.  That's what we did for vacations.  There were 6 kids. We went relatively close, remember there was 6 kids and an old Dodge van. You didn't really want to go too far. We'd blast Roger Miller tapes. Wish the air conditioner worked better. Annoy each other.  Had lots of fun.

Favorite camping spot--Mustang Ridge at Flaming Gorge.  You can walk to the swimming hollow from the campground.  They have flushing toilets and showers only near the entrance but every day or two it's nice to escape the closer outhouses for something a little more fancy. My parent's spent their honeymoon there.  My dad had been going there since he was kid.

Fast forward so many years (I'm not telling you exactly how many).  I'm the adult.  I have 3 kids. Our first real family vacation, I sort of drag my husband there but with my parents in tow.  It was a blast. My husband adored it.  Next year, my husband takes us again but we take his parents to show them how awesome it is.

Fast forward a few more years.  My sister is going to be in town during the summer. She wants to relive those fun camping memories.  So, we plan a trip.  We are going back together. Everyone is invited. Initially, all 6 of my siblings and parents are in.  However, as time gets closer, my sister and I end up sans husbands.  My 2 married brothers are sans wives and small babies.  My college brother can't get away from work. So, with regret, we headed out still planning on fun.  Me driving a truck and hauling a trailer for the first time.

A few tips you more experienced moms will know.  Grandpa/Dad is awesome with kids but not your husband.  Uncles/Brothers are awesome with kids but not your husband.  You can have a great time and love the memories but your husband will still not be there.

I went to see the smiles on my kids faces with their cousins that live far away.  I went to hang out with my sister. We spent 16 1/2 years together, couldn't escape each other, and now we can only see each other around once a year. I went to give my kids memories that I had growing up--visiting Dinosaur National Monument, rafting down the Green River, seeing the Milky Way in the sky around the campfire, swimming in the lake, taking the Dam tour with all its accompanied phrases.

So, while I wouldn't trade this

Dinosaur Monument

or this

Girls having fun

or this

Ultimate pioneer, pulling handcart with baby in arms

or this

He loved his cousin being so gentle and attentive, this photo really highlights the family resemblance

for anything.

I'm not ever going camping without this again. 

My husband outdoors with son

Not ever.

 It took me 2 weeks to recover from my "vacation", physically and emotionally. Extended family is awesome, I never would have survived that vacation without them. But, I now know that without my personal hero/husband, no experience will capture the full joy of family vacations as I knew them from childhood.  So I can't wait for the next time to visit Flaming Gorge, with my husband driving the trailer, creating memories for my kids and recapturing the magic of family camping trips because my whole family will be present.

Reviewing 2012

So, it's been awhile.

And now that the new year is started and I'm getting back into a schedule, I plan on posting a little more often. My next couple should be simple as I review some of my favorite 2012 moments.

From August 2012, comes my favorite quote.  It was shouted at me during a family vacation at Flaming Gorge with extended family.  We were at Mustang Ridge (Shepherd Family favorite campground right near the swimming hollow).  Breakfast was finishing and we were planning the day.  I informed my daughter I needed a brush and hair things to get her ready for the day.

"MOM!  WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME LOOK SO FREAKING NICE!"


Same day, with her looking so "freaking nice"

It was classic.  Aunts, uncles, grandparents all snickered.  I had to try to hide mine from her.  I did, however, pull out my phone and type this quote in a memo preserving it for posterity.

So, one day soon, when I'm telling her teenage self that she needs to get out of the bathroom, I can remind her that it wasn't so long ago that she didn't care how "freaking nice" she looked.