Right Things

So, for close to 2 weeks, it's felt like my world was going WRONG.


Yes, my work decided I'd have to change my schedule (and not for the better). Tax season was winding down and they call it shift bids. You can ask for what you like but if they've filled that time than you have work what is left or lose the one reason for working--insurance. So now I work Mondays and Wednesdays from 11:30 am to 9 pm, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2:30 pm to 9:30 pm, and Saturdays 9:30 am to 6 pm. It's miserable. Something will have to change soon. My husband and I are looking at all our options.


My youngest gets the flu and from there it travels to me, my husband and my daughter. My middle son narrowly escaped. So, all of last week as I start my new work schedule there is vomit, fever, chills, body aches, etc. One gets better and another goes down for a constant week of sickness.


It snows--in April.


Yes, I was really feeling sorry for myself. Why didn't I crawl into hole and never come out?


My youngest was feeling better and wanted to play a game, Toy Story Memory. I was still sick, my husband was running a fever. My middle son graciously agreed. He's competitive. When he started piling up the matches on his side, I could see my youngest getting upset at his small pile.


Then I watched him turn over the card next to his match ON PURPOSE. I knew what he was doing because I've done the same thing numerous times when playing with my youngest to give him an opportunity to get some matches. My competitive older son saw his younger brother's frustration and "missed." My youngest gloated. He laughed with glee and said, "I knew where it was" and added the match to his pile.


2 days later, he gets up in front of a room full of people on Sunday and tells them what he knows about our church. He stuns me. He says that he knows Jesus is his Savior. I let tears flow as he comes back to sit me.


The world is all right. It's better than that. Compassion, love and understanding the really important things are all that matters. Even as I continue to struggle, everything is right.

How to Wake Refreshed (as cuddly sleepers)

Step 1: An ounce of prevention . . . Start with a good bed.

If you are like most newlyweds, you may find funds limited. If you were like my husband and I, we ended up with a donated full size bed. To give you an adequate idea, my husband went from sleeping on a Queen mattress at home with 60 inches of space to sharing a full size bed with me. We each only had 27 inches of personal space. But, we were in love and enjoyed being together. We became cuddly sleepers. I spent the first year of our marriage falling asleep ON him--on his chest, on his arm, etc. If this makes you cringe, do everything in your power to buy a bigger bed initially because habits quickly form. After a year of sleeping so close, my husband's back began to bother him with the poor quality of the mattress. He started sleeping on the floor. My habit of being curled up next him went into withdrawals and I was tossing more. Within a month, we had selected the right type of bed for him. We left the store thinking we would come back on payday and get a King. Looking at our finances, we ended up a with a Queen a few days later. Yes, the King would have given us SOME space but we were now cuddly sleepers and the Queen was luxurious in comparison.

Fast Forward 9 years, I'm waking up sore. I wake up perched on the edge of the bed, my husband cuddled up next to me with feet of bed behind him. My body is stiff from trying to keep itself on the bed while we sleep.

Step 2. Assert space for a couple of months. I started with going to sleep facing him with a body pillow between us. It was harder to fall asleep and after 10 years of cuddly sleeping, he kept snuggling up to me in the night anyway and I still ended up perched on the edge of the bed. I tossed more and still woke up sore.

Step 3. Start saving for a King. Then go on vacation and sleep in a King. I came to realize that no matter the size of the bed, your husband will end curled around you with a queen-sized space of bed behind him. I can't break him of his habit now, especially when he's doing it unconsciously.

Step 4. Embrace the habit, but on HIS side of the bed. I now cuddle up even more. I revel in falling sleep with his arm around my waist and our legs entwined--it's the safest place in my world and as close to heaven as I can get at this point. I put the body pillow between me and the edge of the bed and snuggle and SNUGGLE until I'm smack dab in the middle of the bed. He's not on the edge but he doesn't have room to spare. And me, I wake up next to my best friend completely ready for another day.

For quick review, 1. Get a big bed in the beginning or you'll become cuddly sleepers by necessity 2. Embrace the habit when formed (and if one of you is a mover-moving in their sleep-start on their side of the bed)

How to Lengthen a Dress

If you are like me, a mom with daughter in elementary school, you too may find that she outgrows dresses overnight. She loves the new styles but, in one month, that okay length skirt is making you cringe as you tell her she just can't wear it anymore. My new solution, buy dresses that I can modify.

Step One: Buy a dress on sale and, of course, with an additional percentage off coupon.

Note--I chose this dress for a number of reasons.

1. Made of spandex on top to give and fit better for shoulders and neckline.

2. Balloon style of skirt was attached to inner slip.

When looking under, I found another inch and a half of skirt material

that would come down when I unpicked the skirt from the slip.

3. All the other styles had netting added as trim to bottom

and I could do that (or my mom could help me do that).

Step Two: Let her wear it, until the creeping hemline on her legs must be addressed.

Step Three: Carefully unpick the dress from the slip with what I term "the unpicker." It has an official name. I got one because my mother is seamstress and over the years, I helped her unpick. So, when setting myself up, I bought one of my own. Carefully remove all threads after finishing, tape can be helpful to pick up little bits. Iron new edges smooth.

Step Three: Pick the right trim. Take the dress with you to notions stores or fabric stores for match. In my case, search my mom's (a talented seamstress my whole life) notion box. She had black stretch lace very wide.

Step Four: Serge or hem the slip.

Step Five: Sew the trim to the skirt. Fold a 1/4 inch seam over trim and straight stitch to give stability and finished look. (If you're lucky, you can have the most talented seamstress sew it for you in 10 minutes. THANKS MOM! Or spend about an hour sewing, depending on skill level)

Notice how much longer the dress is now. The hem used to end at the white slip.

Step Six: Enjoy your daughter's squeals and watch her wear it all afternoon because you (with Grandma's help) saved her favorite dress from being donated.

Tool Day

My kids' school had "Tool Day." What is Tool Day? It's career day with props. They ask parents to bring in the "tools" they use each day and explain what they do.

So, my kids come home begging. "Mom, can you please come?"

"Really, I answer phones."

"PLEASE?"

"I answer phones. Dad's job is much cooler and he has really BIG tools and works with wells."

"PLEASSSSSSSSEEEE?"

So, I went to the Elementary school with my headset, my timer, and my prepaid card they gave me when I started working to tell kids how I answer questions about prepaid cards. The 1st graders thought it was cool that I worked from home. The 3rd graders wanted to know about my crazy calls. The 5th graders wanted to know how to get cards (sorry have to be 18, or 13 if parent's get a secondary card) and how I use typing and texting or IM each day at work.

I'm no Fireman (which I spoke after in my daughter's 3rd grade class) or Life flight Paramedic or Soldier or Pump Rig Operator (like their Dad) but I hope I wasn't a total bore. And I might have even been practical because at one time or another most people in college have worked a call center to make ends meet. They are very flexible with school schedules since they are open long hours.

My kids were smiling and that's all that matters.

Recovering the Past

For a couple of years now, I've decided I wanted to convert as much of my childhood photos into digital images. The hard copy of the photos between me and my 5 siblings are slowing disappearing. I've had my eye on negative scanners. I never bought one, unsure of how much pixels they could really provided to make the process worth it.

This past Sunday, I've become the receipent of a negative scanner. My grandma could never make it work. I understand why. The original software was not compatible with Windows XP, said it would destabilize the system. It took a little work but I found the right software and began to play.

I have 3 very old slides. I'm fairly positive the pictures were taken by my Grandpa, sometime in 1983 or 1984. The quality is somewhat poor. The slides have not survived the years gracefully and were scratched. But now, with this recent gift from my Grandma, I'm recovering and storing the images in a more durable format.

My sister and I were cute, weren't we?

Darker Matters

Unfortunately, in the last year, I have attended more funerals than previous years. This last week, I attended the funeral for my next door neighbor and today I received news about another funeral. With these experiences, I've been thinking about my family if I died and what would be best for them. Yes, morbid or dark. But dark matters stick with you, give you nightmares if you let them. Or make you sob at a movie because it was based on a Nicholas Sparks' novel-they play on emotional chords and always include death.

My husband hates viewings. We always go to support the family but he's very uncomfortable viewing the body. This last time we took our children with us. When my children were concerned, I explained the reason he looked so different is because his spirit is no longer in the body.

So, my first suggestion is to forgo the viewing.

Now I know the services are for those left behind. So if my husband doesn't want to stand around my body for hours--Don't. Save a little money from not paying the funeral home to move around the casket. If it gives him comfort and let's other people say "goodbye," then by all means have a viewing. I have never received comfort from a viewing but I've also never been on the receiving end. I can see a possible benefit to receiving support and love of those who knew your loved one. Heck, there may be a psychological reason or benefit. I might change my mind if those roles are reversed. Who knows? Heaven forbid I have the experience of standing next to the casket any time soon but right now I'd prefer not to. The only experience I have with death of a closer loved one I was 7. I was scared and viewing the body didn't leave me with a goodbye but with the deepest impression that IT WAS NOT HIM. I took away a feeling of hysteria and deep sadness. Of course, the circumstances were more tragic than old age and I'm remembering it from they myopic lens of a scared 7 year old girl seeing adults crumble under the circumstances.

The funeral must be short; if there's one at all. When I mean short, I mean 30 minutes. I know the purpose of the funeral in our LDS faith and from recent experience I can see what family members want most--to share the good times and memories. So, have a graveside service and then have a meal and open mic. Have an informal gathering where people can share and connect with each other. When the wife of the mission president my husband served with in Germany passed away, they invited anyone who wanted to come to the house afterwards to share and bring a limerick in memory of her. She loved them. If a formal funeral in the chapel is desired, there should be only 2 speakers: The bishop talking about the eternal nature of the family and one family member sharing the most important things the loved one taught them. Then have a short graveside service and get to what is needed most: time to talk with one another, time to share with one another, and time to remember.

So for all it's worth (and that's not much coming from a 30 something woman with blessedly little experience on the subject), leave the traditional funeral. If you need that, we'll all be there to support you even if the funeral lasts hours. Because when we're there, we love you and it's about what you need. But, if I'm gone, and my family doesn't want all that, enjoy sharing with each other good things and leave the formalities behind.

Happy New Year

My 1st grader brought home a wonderful paper that made me smile. Even at his age, he's learning about New Year's Resolutions. So what matters to a 7 year old?

1. I want to be more creative.

Don't we all? I want to create and be understood. I want to see things I only imagine now. I want other people to see them as well. I want to write each day. I want to make things to personalize my home and make it comfortable. I want to create ways to remember my children's accomplishments and be able to look through them and say, "Remember when . . ."

This resolution coming from the middle child says a lot to me as his mother. His older sister likes to draw and is always "creating" drawings, art, boxes, jewelry, etc. He's a brilliant boy with things that come easy to him but the one defining thing we always praise his sister for he wants to be as well. He plunged into reading, wanting more. I had to drag is his sister initially because she was afraid to fail. He has a mind like a trap. He was one of twelve kids to compete in the school level spelling bee for 1st through 3rd grade and then made it through 3 rounds where he competed against 3rd graders. He tackles math and school like everything else, No Fear.

But, in this admission, he shows that we all want to be the best at everything; even if that something is not what interests us the most. And most importantly, that my children crave praise and I should never miss an opportunity. In turn, remind my other children that we celebrate other's achievements, not just our own.

2. I want to be strong.

There are so many nuances to this phrase for me as adult and it means only physical strength to my 7 year old. I want to be strong, physically, spiritually, emotionally. I have days where it's struggle to not be overwhelmed on what is asked, demanded and needed for each day. I want to be stronger. I want to know the right answer when my kids have questions about faith and be the example by living my convictions. And who doesn't want to have muscle tone in the arms and the ability to keep going when others have fallen behind.

My son is strong for his age. Since he was 3, and closing the distance in height between him and his sister, we have a special question that we asked a lot.

"What is the biggest and strongest?"

Answer--The softest and nicest.

He will continue to be strong and I know he will increase it with age and with what he chooses to do. I am proud and will continue to be proud. I hope he knows that what we value with strength is how he chooses to use it. So, I'll keep asking the same the question he's heard since he was 3.

3. I want to be fast.

I really don't want to be fast. I need to be fast. Life is busy. There's a lot to do. But I do agree with him on the intent of this resolution. I want to RUN fast. My family has always modeled healthier living. I participated in my 1st walk on Thanksgiving and there is a 10k I'm preparing for in April. I do want to be fast and I want the benefit from being fast in this arena--a slimmer me.

Teddy just wants to compete. He keeps asking where are the kids races. My husband's looking for them when we register for runs or walks. Start young and stay healthy. His school has an Annual Fun Run. There's the 1 mile option and 2 mile option. He wants to be fast for next year.

Normally, I sort through pages and pages brought home from school and ask, "Do you really want to keep this?" with that tone. The tone that implies it better be really important with drawers full of paper already. I saw this one and put it away. This is worth keeping, to remember what is important to my son in 2011.